It is very ironic. When one is single, most woman look forward to being married, have a family, have your own home, have kids. You look forward to being the most beautiful bride, the loveliest wife, the most fortunate mum. Ever ever, when a woman has all that she wants, there were times she wished that she is single, again? Sad to say, there is no best of both world, never. Life is about choices and sacrifices.
I guess this woman with such thought must be an irresponsible one. I well understand this feeling. At times, i really missed my good old days. No worries about bills and loans. The more you have, the more you own, the more you need to do. Each step you take you have to think about 'what will happen'..... Life had been much simpler then. I dun need so much things, really. I wish, i'm simple.
Years ago, when me is me..... so long the mood and time is right, me and available kakis do short trip, travel (without much planning needed). Me and bestest frend even tried flying off very 'improptu-ly', picking up a few set of clothing and set off on our own. That was most memorable.
When i was 'living' alone, i 'd spent whole day reading, without worrying about preparing meals, about neglecting anyone. When i'm hungry, i could just eat fruits, make sandwiches, or tomato soup. I really love that, totally no disturbances. There is no TIME restriction like what you SHOULD do or you HAVE to do at certain time.
Frankly, at times i'd feel so depress over the changes i need to adjust. My initial phobia on marriage, later the doubts on wanting kids.... Most importantly there were so much i want to do, to try. There were dreams i wanna realise without looking back. There were times i wanna turn my footstep around and not moving forward. There were days i wanna shout aloud. There were moments i ask myself why ....... Talking about this, I'm a little guilty towards hubby. Cos till now, he still has a little worry that i'll run away.... hahaha.
Recently i told him i may wanna go Korea with bestest frend for a getaway... just the 2 of us. First thing he asked "you wanna run away huh? will u come back?"..... I laughed so hard... it's meant to be a joke lah. So far we've been travelling together all these years. I guess 'that' worry i imposed on him made him a lil sensitive. But honestly, deep inside, indeed i do hv that 'give me a break' mental. I was thinking, why can't a wife take annual leave from the family? A short break may improve a relationship, any relationship.
Choices i've made, i'll try my best. Human never satisfies. I know i'm very blessed already. Life, I'm still learning.... I'm still trying....
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