Very very moody since yesterday afternoon. Don't understand why people has to be vulgar? why people are so impatient? why people cannot accept mistakes? why people canot take forget as a reason? why people have to back-stab others? why people want to belittle another? why people feel jealous of another? why can't people be more accomodating? why people have to be self-conscious?
To be a human is very tiring. Sometimes, i really dislike the people around me, even myself also...... just hate myself at times. Behaviour, thinking, attitude...... i could be better, as a human, as a person, as a colleague, as a wife, as an employee, as a friend, as a daughter, as a family member, as a learner etc.
The ah pek taxi driver just now...... so sarcastic when i over-payed him. He was mumbling, and i even asked him twice. Can't stand the 'tze.... aiyo.... hurg...' and the crude smile.... Just couldn't understand why do those people whom have decades of life experiences just cannot be accomodative, be generous with their knowledge, their heart!
At today's debtors meeting, LL was not protective towards his manager. Poor Chow has been bombarded by the director over the sales figure and outstanding backlog. Yet, how can he not understand what is going on? I felt he was throwing stones in the well. Whatever said not been done. Whatever done not been helped.
Our massage lecture is not a patient lady. She scolded us last week when we got the procedure wrong after her 1 time demonstration. She has been very direct, and forgetful herself. Diane said she sure will feedback her opinion after completion of the lessons.
Da-sao gave birth to E-then yesterday at 3.20pm. BK canot be involved. I was there whole afternoon waiting for a chance to catch a glimpse of the newborn but has to leave for office at 5pm. The blissful picture of the family of 4 left me with mixture feelings. Kind of lost, kind of jealous, kind of angry at myself.....
My life has been like a drama. Why can't we be like them? Why can't my hubby is just as healthy? Why can't we have adorable healthy babies? Why am i not the one giving birth? (though i may need counselling if i do) But why not us? let me have a healthy mindset, with a healthy family..... yet to us, this is so tough. It is kind of mission. (+ impossible)!
1 comment:
Hey sweety,
Giving you a big big hug!!!!
I'm depressed and moody at the moment, too. Before I read your article, I have a similar feeling and thought like you. I don't understand why my life is so down since I live here? why I couldn't have smooth life like other? Why should I always worry so much for everything? why I couldn't get a job here although for the low position? why I can't have some luck? why I can't have a baby? why my honey hasn't get a job yet? why I can't make him happy? why? why?? why???...
There is too tough to be a human-being, isn't it? Everybody has their own problem; each family has its own kind of hell. What can we do? As a human-being, we can only accept it and face the fact. Just live our live happily everyday... But, I'm quite tired and sick of this kind of life sometimes... Always praying and waiting for good turn, but when we don't need to worry so much and could have a peaceful life?
In fact, there is no word from me to cheer you up besides my big big hug!
Jean
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