It's definitely not my day. I took a half day leave today and supposed to pick up BK by 12pm. (or at least before 1pm) We have planned to have a round of 18-holes in JB Ponderosa Golf Club. We were all dressed to it and really look forward to this one. However, it begins raining at about 10am. Jane was on leave to care for her ailing mum, while Chris on compassionate leave as her dad passed away on Wednesday nite. There was Melody (and me!) doing the ops, the bao ka liao.
Hence, its so true when people says when you know more you have to work more. Those who don't, tells you easily: "pls do for me, I don't know how"..... I wanted to fulfill all customers requests, I hope to assist my colleagues when they are not around, I wish i'm a superwoman! But i'm not! I'm fighting against time. My heart beats faster and faster. I felt so breathless. I didn't want to disappoint BK and myself. Juggling the workload at the same time, wanting to be able to leave on time...... at least not to be 'too' late. I prayed that i walk out the office in good healthy piece. Yet, call after call, request after request. Never ending...... for a moment i'm pissed off!
I left at about 1.35pm. Pick up lunch, reach home at about 2.20pm. Gosh! I'm struggling with myself. I've promised myself not to delay BK's lunch. He needs (or rather we need) regular lunch. In fact, nowadays, i would always fixed up his meals in the morning before leaving for work. A simple meal with hot soup is always healthier and more convenient for him. Unless he has appointment. Haiz..... i fail today.
I felt very very lousy. A hungry man is an angry man. This apply to BK. The stress of him nagging at me, the stress of work from office, the stress of us not able to accomplish our plan today...... I couldn't have a good talk with him while having lunch. A simple remark fm him would trigger me to explode. I'm becoming more & more short-temper nowadays. I get angry easily. Is it that the tolerance level will lower or diminish with the closest person to you as days get by? Just 2 days ago, i started 'shouting' or should i say raise my voice when i thought he couldn't get what i mean. When there is mis-understanding and i can't make my point clear, instead of explaining, i would yell. And, i would want to hear no more of him. I'd tell him to shut his mouth and let me cool off first. Oh Gosh, what's become of me? This is terrible!
So, it's like this 3yrs on? Guess he din expect this too? hee hee....
But true, finding faults, pick at him is easy nowadays.... like the whole journey back home, i kept quiet but was not really enjoying. Felt his impatient during driving, cutting lanes as and when like a racer. Felt his impolite to other road user when sound horn to slower driver. Worry that his behavior on the road may antagonize drivers/road bullies which may result in 'accidents', incidents much has been said in papers. Sigh..... i'm always so worrying. Sooner or later,,,, gonna be crazy.... if only i can put my brain and thoughts in more useful and meaningful area.
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